so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just gift wrapped bread.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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