i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
