you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
