If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
