Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
