Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
