I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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