he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
