she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
