I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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