come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
