The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
