can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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