I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
