Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
They took my balls.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
