I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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