I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize