wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
