we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
