Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you're hired as official boob wrangler
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
