I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
