If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
