if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
