If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
