Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
