first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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