you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
