I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
