the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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