I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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