New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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