my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
