She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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