i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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