Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize