theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
