Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Randomize
