i permit you to call me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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