i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
