im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
