Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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