haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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