if only i could text you this smell
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
