Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
where are my eyebrows?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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