I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
