she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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