My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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