nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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