My hand turned me down
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize