she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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