the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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