Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
