Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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