I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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