he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
