if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
