dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sponge bath it is.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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