have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
