She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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