i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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