meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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