I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
