Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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