I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
