I just saw a hot homeless man
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
