Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
