I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
