i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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