well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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