just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
