I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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