I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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