You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Soap is not a condiment
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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