Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
