If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
