I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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