There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
