He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Less talking, more tequila
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
