you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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