I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
