I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
