I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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