I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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