dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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